Things that keep me up at night

Ok, so I’m going to pause today from the book review and comment on what I consider to be a very strange cultural phenomenon. This past weekend, Brian and I took our nearly two-year-old daughter, Anna, to her very first parade. Every year, our little community of Greenwood holds a Freedom Festival (usually the weekend before the actual Fourth holiday). We’ve lived here for close to five years and we’ve never, ever been before. So, this past Saturday morning, we rolled out of bed with nothing particular to do and we thought that we would venture down to the parade and street fair. Both were wonderful and we had a great time seeing things through Anna’s eyes, which were enthralled with all of the sights and sounds of the event. She loved the free balloons and goodies being passed out at the fair and she really enjoyed every bit of the parade. She waved with zest and blew kisses at the soldiers marching by (I must say this made her daddy just a wee bit nervous) and she pointed at the fire trucks with glee. And don’t even get me started on what she thought about the free candy being thrown and passed out. She even enjoyed her very first Dum Dum sucker. As she sat in the backseat in her car seat on the way home from the parade, with each lick of the strawberry sweetness she would proclaim, “THANK YOU Mommy… THANK YOU Daddy!” I swear her voice could make the hardest heart melt into to a pool of ooey gooey sweetness. Anyway, all of this is subsidiary but I thought you’d enjoy the trip.

What I’m really writing about today is something that totally and completely creeped me out at the parade. It’s something that I’ve seen a zillion times before but never really thought about. All through my childhood I think that I actually even enjoyed these acts, but now I’m wondering what it’s all about… I’m talking about the Shriners that ride around in those little cars and teeny, tiny motorcycles. I mean really, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!

I guess saying that I enjoyed those little boogers as a child might be a slight mistruth. I actually had a friend who had her toes ran over at the Corn Festival Parade in Sullivan, IN one year by one of those mini yellow corvettes. Craziest thing you ever did see. Her toes were black and blue for weeks. So now, whenever they come rumbling by, I’m always sure to pull my feet up from the curb way up on to the sidewalk in case one of those little guys goes whacko and decides to run over my toes. No way you’re running me down buddy, no way!

But really, think about it… Who sits around and comes up with this kind of stuff? You know what we really need to do to improve the world?! I GOT IT! Ride on little cars and motorcycles in formation to entertain folks… How drunk do you have to be/what are you smoking to come up with this stuff? And my big question is what will anthropologists have to say about it someday? I pondered this question out loud to Brian as the little men in little cars zipped by; however, I carefully watched my tone as the folks next to us snapped as many pictures as possible of the group. I figured they probably knew someone and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or be attacked by a troop of small cars as we tried to leave.

When I was a jr. higher, my mom had a book entitled The Motel of Mysteries (I have no clue who the author is, but I’ll try to find it at the library tonight). It was a cute read with plenty of pictures told from a future vantage point. Basically, some archaeologists discovered a motel in an excavation and they sought to explain all of the things inside. All I can remember right now is that they thought the toilet seat cover was a headdress for some sort of religious ceremony (i.e. praying to the porcelain god). Anyway, that book has always made me think about what history will remember/discover of our generation. So my question is… what will history think of overweight, middle and later aged men, riding around in miniature vehicles? You tell me. And don’t even get me started on those funny little fez things they wear. What is up with that?